Extremely Rough Seas

 

This week was rough.  We are really spinning in a whirlwind of emotions.  Helplessness, desperation, fear, loss, mostly just utter chaos.

((Insert big ol' sad face.))

What's that I said? Insert sad owl face?  ok.

 

........

I am weird, I know

.......

so-


We got a call from someone at the beginning of the week letting us know that there is an Italian family trying to adopt M & D right now.  They are already there, in country.  Panic.  We know a few families who were also in this same situation, and lost children that were already theirs in their hearts to another family.  How hard.

How surreal.

It is NOT what you expect to happen when you chose to love an orphan.  When you have already decided to make them your family.  When you have developed a powerful bond with them.  You do not expect them to get whisked away by another family before you finish all your paperwork. 

The situation has grown more complicated as we have communicated with the boys and they have expressed to us that they do not want to go with this family.  They have been very clear.  No, they do not want to go with the Italians, they want to wait for us.  We skyped 2 days in a row with a translator, and on the second day we skyped a full hour after the translator left.  What a blessing.  Despite these chaotic times, I am still absolutely happy to see my boys.  I love their smiles and their funny little broken English things they say on Skype.  I ask them what they had for dinner..."uhhhh (shrug) uhhh soup."  I say what kind?  Chicken soup?  Jaba (frog) soup?  Keeshka (cat) soup?  They laugh and say "no mama, mouse soup!" bahahahah!  I love them.  When it was time to get off of Skype they were asking me not to go, and kissing the screen.  Their eyes are pleading for help out of this difficult situation.

We are praying that GOD would move a mountain. 

We are remembering that we are always this helpless.  We are always this powerless.  We are so. little.  But God is so big.  He is still the God who promises, and fulfills his word.  He is still faithful. He is still strong. And he still loves M & D so fully.  He sees our pain, and he hears their fears.  He is in control. 


When Sean and I started our journey, we decided this song was going to be our theme song for the "trusting-God-part" of our adoption.

I can't listen to it this week without crying, but He surely is "leading me to where my trust is without borders"   The painful part of reality, I am learning, is it takes some deep brokenness to get there.