This is one of those posts that is going to take a while to write. So as I start click- clacking away, knowing this is the kind of post that will take time to write, I ask that you not skim.
It is going to be long!
Either read it, or don't! But no skimming! This comes from the heart, it all needs to be said, and it is going to take a lot of emotional effort to write.... so phew. Here we go.
When we committed to hosting we were doing so out of obedience. We were unsure, to say the least, about every aspect of this adventure. We were unsure about the money, the space in our home, our ability to REALLY love strangers, and, lastly, and biggest, we were unsure about the boys. I will never forget my first conversation with someone who knew the boys. An encouraging host mom,turned adoptive mom, who had met the boys a year prior said to me
"oh, you are going to have fun... They are ALL boy."
( I sensed a trace amount of a warning in that comment!)
It is going to be long!
Either read it, or don't! But no skimming! This comes from the heart, it all needs to be said, and it is going to take a lot of emotional effort to write.... so phew. Here we go.
When we committed to hosting we were doing so out of obedience. We were unsure, to say the least, about every aspect of this adventure. We were unsure about the money, the space in our home, our ability to REALLY love strangers, and, lastly, and biggest, we were unsure about the boys. I will never forget my first conversation with someone who knew the boys. An encouraging host mom,turned adoptive mom, who had met the boys a year prior said to me
"oh, you are going to have fun... They are ALL boy."
( I sensed a trace amount of a warning in that comment!)
HA!
Soon we were on an adventure, learning to love strangers.
Little stranger boys who just happened to be orphans.
A while ago, like years ago, I remember telling the Lord that yea, I cared about orphans and that maybe even one day we could "do something" for the orphans. Can I be completely honest with you? I told him the type of orphans I wanted to care for. And, can I be really ugly transparent with you?
"(not those 10 year old Russian boys)"
I said that... to God.
(I made it small text so maybe you skimmers would miss this part and I would get away with that embarrassing truth about the condition of my heart!) Can you believe that He, through a whirlwind chain of events, brought little people that fit that mold exactly to my doorstep... No, not to my doorstep, i n t o my home!
They busted into my home alright! They really were all boy. Lots of noise, lots of toy slinging, wrestling, and eating. Oh, the, eating. They ate as much as my family of 5 combined. Seriously. My grocery shopping load doubled. Underneath all the noise and the eating I was seeing these little broken sweet boys shining through. Big things were happening. I do not know exactly what was happening with them. They have their own stories to tell, I am sure! But big things were happening with me. God was stretching ME. I thought I was doing this for them. They were the ones in need after all, right???
I realized how much God loved me. That when I was an orphan, he sought me out, and brought me into his family. I really can relate to that now. I appreciate that more, that He cared, when He did not have to. Because orphans are no ones "responsibility". He did not have to love me. But He loved me anyway. He did not have to walk beside me in my brokenness. But he did anyway. He did not have to give it all up in a beautiful picture of sacrifice for my personal healing, but he did that anyway.
Awe-inspiring.
We were watching hearts soften before our very eyes. We were witnessing the most beautiful thing. It was actually amazing. From a boy who ate everything he could as fast as he could and would hide food in his pockets, to a boy who even turned down food a few times because it wasn't his preference at the moment. From a boy who would lay stiff in his bed when being tucked in and face the wall when I told him I loved him and I would just kiss the back of his head, to a boy who kissed my cheek and said I love you every night, closed his eyes and smiled while I stroked his forehead and always called for me to come back after I left the room for "extra hugs mama?" each night.
Oh wait, I forgot to mention... we were watching our OWN hearts soften. Reality is, you cannot love sacrificially and purposefully and not be drastically changed. Remember that ugly transparency above? Yes, that same heart that thought 10 year old Russian orphans were beyond my limit and abilities is now racing toward 2 half grown, big boys from Ukraine. My heart softened... guess that is where God wants me.
The Decision
This winter during hosting, the decision became very clear to us. These boys were already ours. They were our sons. After a few weeks of having them here in the summer we would have thought it would be crazy to adopt 2 more kids. We now are both to the point that we feel it is crazy NOT to adopt these boys! They are our sons. I can't describe it any other way. They are our family. Of course we will go after them and do all that it takes to bring them home! My husband said something so simple when we started discussing adoption this winter. I asked him what our plans were, what are we thinking? He simply stated, "I am all in." wow. I had to let my jaw drop and really backtrack a bit and explain to him all that being "all in" included. . . . . He just looked at me and said it again,
"Yea, I am all in."
This winter during hosting, the decision became very clear to us. These boys were already ours. They were our sons. After a few weeks of having them here in the summer we would have thought it would be crazy to adopt 2 more kids. We now are both to the point that we feel it is crazy NOT to adopt these boys! They are our sons. I can't describe it any other way. They are our family. Of course we will go after them and do all that it takes to bring them home! My husband said something so simple when we started discussing adoption this winter. I asked him what our plans were, what are we thinking? He simply stated, "I am all in." wow. I had to let my jaw drop and really backtrack a bit and explain to him all that being "all in" included. . . . . He just looked at me and said it again,
"Yea, I am all in."
We are all in folks!
We are in this for the whole life encompassing FOREVER of family.
This is not a fairy-tale, and so everything is not perfect. In our entirety we are all a picture of brokenness (and hopefully we will each become a unique story of healing for God's glory!) So far, this is a story of God's faithfulness and provision. He truly provided in SO many ways before and during our hosting. It is a story of God's extreme love. It is a story of walking by faith and not by sight. It is a reminder of Jesus' story of going after the one lost sheep and rejoicing when that precious sheep is found.
wanna read it? it is good stuff:
This is not a fairy-tale, and so everything is not perfect. In our entirety we are all a picture of brokenness (and hopefully we will each become a unique story of healing for God's glory!) So far, this is a story of God's faithfulness and provision. He truly provided in SO many ways before and during our hosting. It is a story of God's extreme love. It is a story of walking by faith and not by sight. It is a reminder of Jesus' story of going after the one lost sheep and rejoicing when that precious sheep is found.
wanna read it? it is good stuff:
10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. 12What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? 13And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. 14So it is not the will of myFather who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.
We cannot wait for that rejoicing part! Right now, we are, again, taking another step of obedience. This time we have the full assurance of faith in Him who will carry this work he has started to completion. Because really, this is ALL about Him. We are all in, because he has brought us here, changed us, grown us, and made this possible.
We are more than happy, to be parents to half grown, precious big boys who are
WORTHY
OF
LOVE
&
&
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