"Just like a drum, I can feel their hearts beating,
I know my God, won't let them be defeated,
Every child has a dream to belong and be loved."



My prayer for our boys is that God would not let them be defeated.

Be strong and courageous.

Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria and the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him.

With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles.
I am loving my husband extra lately.  He has been such an encouragement to me when I get overwhelmed.  Because, no, it is not always easy loving kids who come from such hard places.  Sean reminded me a few days ago that this is not meant to be fun but it is meant to be purposeful.  We are purposefully loving these boys.  No, loving them is not always fun.  There have been tears, tempers, & tantrums. (um, not just from them..) But yes, there is power from God to sustain us in our choice to walk with God, and love these boys.  There have been victories, hugs, cooking lessons, lots of laughter, forts made of sheets, connect 4 tournaments, storytimes before bed, & one little boy told this mama "I love you" tonight. 

Jeremiah 22:16
"He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well.  Is that not what it means to know me?" declares the Lord



 

The halfway mark

3 weeks ago

two brave little guys boarded a plane.  They were at least a little nervous, I am sure-  but I doubt they showed it.  3 weeks ago, they spent over 16 hours travelling to get to America so they could experience 2 things.  Family, and fun.

3 weeks ago

as we drove these little guys home from the airport they fell asleep- hard.  They slept like babies for the second half of the ride home.  And you know how it is when you sneak into your kids room at night to look at how precious they are sleeping... it was that moment of "aww look at them sleeping" that I could. not. help. but cry.

3 weeks ago, I was overwhelmed with the fact that these little guys had no one.  No mommy or daddy was missing them, or worrying over the fact that they were half way across the world.  No one was calling and seeing if they had made it safely, no one was wondering if they were scared, or had eaten a healthy meal in the last 24 hours.  No mommy, no daddy, no person, was worried about them.  No one.  They were alone.  It just felt so weird and unjust to look at these little babies sleeping in the back seat of my van, and realize these things.

3 weeks from now

Max and Denys will be driven back to that airport.  (Yes, I will probably have to be silent the whole time to keep from sobbing and making things that much harder.)  But, there is a good that has come of Max and Denys travelling over 16 hours, just to come to America and be a part of our family.

3 weeks from now

when they are being picked up by bus, or van, or the orphanage director, and shuffled back into their daily life as part of the crowd-  On that ride home - that day when no one is looking at their precious faces asleep in the back of the van-  On that day there is a mom who is loving them, worrying to death about them, praying for them, hoping they are not scared or sad, and missing them oh so deeply. 

3 weeks from now, Max and Denys will not be alone in this world-  They will never be alone in this world again.

So much can change in a couple days!  My last post was so positive, and I don't think todays post is going to be quite as optimistic. 

Today I called my husband crying hysterically.  I was in the midst of an emotional breakdown!  embarrassing. but true. 

These boys are priceless.  They are.  I love them.  Already.  They are full of joy and they are so interesting to experience and be around.  I am glad they are here.  I promise- I am.

And I have to remember that they are simply products of their screwed up environment.  They are not "bad".  Life has been bad to them.  They have spent a significant amount of their lives unloved by parents, in group care, and are untrained in "they ways of family life".  This can be very difficult.

Have you ever watched an episode of Supernanny where your jaw just hits the floor?  (I am glad there was no camera crew in my house today!!!)


The amazing thing about Max and Denys is that they respond really well to the talks we have with them after their timeouts.  The timeouts themselves can be ridiculously draining, because they will fight like mad for control during the timeout!  But afterwards I feel like we are making awesome progress from our little chats.  They say sorry, they do show remorse for their bad choices.  They do like us and do show the ability to love and bond with parental figures.  They answer our questions, and hug us afterward.  I do not think these boys have any bonding issues!  That is a plus!  I do think they need a loving, stable, structured and secure home for a period of time before they will trust enough to let go of control and realize they are safe. 

That they can listen and obey because we have their best interests in mind may not be a concept they can grasp yet. 

Pray that God will remind me to show His love, and not my own.  Because on my own, I will fail.  I promise.

cake time!

A whole week has gone by!

Ah!  I am exhausted!  But it is a good kind of exhausted.  The kind of exhausted you might feel after completing a marathon.  You worked your booty off and you finally crossed that finish line! (You deserve some cake, girl.  Go eat some cake) Each day is a mini- marathon around here these days, and the finish line is bedtime.

I love the feeling of tucking all 5 into bed, telling them I love them, knowing they are safe, fed, cozy and happy.  They have fun memories to think about while they drift off to sleep.  I feel like screaming "victory!" (and then devouring some CAKE) ;)

Just like a marathon, it hasn't been easy.  It has been a whole lot of work.  These boys come from hard places, and have some hard behaviors to break or emotions to work through.  But each mini victory is a sweet sweet joy! 

Today I took all 5 to bouncetown.  I was scared.  You know that feeling as a new mom when you are afraid to take your baby out for the first time on your own?  So much responsibility... and they are so unpredictable...  Every what if scenario is running through your head.  I felt like I had 2 newborn twins today and I was going out for the first time!  Add onto that my own kids- 2 preschoolers, and another baby- and I promise you, I was legitimately scared.  I am NOT supermom, supernanny, or superwoman. 

I was scared!

God gave me awesome peace though.  And we had an awesome time.  Up until today, I had to say the boys names over and over and over and over, (and over and over and over), before I would get a response.  It was time consuming... and... not fun.  Today, at bouncetown, every time I called their name, the first time, they turned and looked!  WHAT????  I kinda couldn't believe it.  AND, when I would point for them to get down, and give them the mom-eye, you know the one,

they . would . get . down .  !!!

Come on now and rejoice.  My buddies have accepted me as an authority!  They called me mama from the beginning, but today they actually acted like I was their mama. 


That is some good cake.

...worth it.

Welcome to America!

So, the boys are here!

If this post seem choppy it is because I am past exhausted and staying up a few more minutes because I really want to share a few updates and highlights with you friends!

Day 1:
Sean and I were super excited heading to the airport to pick them up.  We waited and waited outside of international customs and finally, we saw a group of way too warmly dressed adorable kids, emerging from the doorway!  Everybody started calling their kids names and moving forward and I ended up in the back of the crowd, so Max and Denys were kinda lost looking for a moment or two.  Sweet little faces looked so nervous and lots of blinking...
Sean said "call them" and I did... I felt awkward at that point.  But Max saw me first, and I held up my sign and smiled and he rushed to us and HUGGED us both so tight ... like both at the same time!  It was pretty neat how he did that.  I was definitely happy.  Great first introduction.  Max called Denys to come over, and Denys was more shy but Max told him to say hello.  (They said Hello in English and what is your name in English.)  I had all these Ukranian greeting memorized, but when it came down to the moment I forgot everything and started spewing English at them.  "Hi!"  "I am so glad you are here!" ugh... I am speaking English!  Woops! " Prive-et, prosihmo!"  "Choo-Do-Voo!"

 

 

The ride home was so entertaining.  Sean and I were like ..... in awe..... of their amazed expressions and reactions to things.  highlights -max wanted to play right away.  He had a little ball in his bag and wanted to play futbol!  (would have been more fun if it wasn't in a McDonalds parking lot but, hey... we made it work!)  First time using straws, and ketchup was a hit, and cold water to drink shocked them.  Their smiles were just so fun!  They are very expressive. I love it.
lowlights- Max puked on the ride home.  poor sweety.  Denys is a wanderer at heart it seems... no concept of the street, or waiting for us.  Stressed me OUT! 

Day 2:
The playground!!

It seemed it was their first time on swings!  It was awesome experiencing that!  They were VERY awkward at first... gripping, and slipping off the back.  They were stiff and were not pumping their legs at all. Instead just froggy legged, hanging on and LOVING being pushed.  They screamed with joy like girls and said "Mene Papa muoy muoy!"... something like  "My turn Papa!"  It was so hot out, Sean was a trooper.  What an awesome Daddy/Pappa.  Pushing 4 kids on the swings and laughing. I loved every second of it! 

Later, we took them to a family BBQ.  It was fun!  They got to play slip and slide... which they turned into the Max and Denys steal the hose and spray all the kids show.  POHANO boys!  (bad boys...)  Lol... they have soooo much energy, and are NOT shy like I assumed they would be.  It is hard to keep up with them, which we learned today for sure.  But they are worth the exhaustion and worth putting ourselves in a hard place.  God calls us to hard places... he doesn't usually call us to the couch.  ....
..............though, I am on the couch right now :/

Day 3:
Pet Store and New Shoes
Thanks to an awesome donor we got the boys some sneaks! They blazed through the store like wildfire, but... I think the cashier forgave us when we explained it was only day 3 in America.  :)  maybe she didn't...oh well .. there are plenty of shoe stores out there.
 
The pet store was ok, Max liked it more than Denys.  Denys wanted to bang the cages .. and wasn't lsitening too well.  sigh... Nakazan! (timeout)  kids will be kids! 

NaDoBranyeech!!!! (GOODNIGHT!)